We Don't Know Anything

The only thing that's certain is that there is so much more to learn.

Nezumi's mice say  "..."
I am home! And have eaten dinner, and now I'm sleepy and wish to fling myself at my bed.

Today was nice. Went to Isa's high school and conducted a leadership seminar for the theatre troupe, which was fun. We weren't supposed to be working with high school students, but all our other prospects didn't work out, it was a last minute thing. I'm kinda glad now that they didn't. I mean. Working with middle aged adults would probably be harder and not as enjoyable.

We made them do four games, and just sorta bullshitted how exactly they were leadership oriented, but it worked, overall. We made them do a variation of the stripping game my professor made us do in class, it was fun. (Isa said it's practically a requirement for a workshop of theirs to have stripping, so there.)

The director gave us certificates as thanks after it was over. They were framed, and the frames were nicer than the ones the school uses for the diploma. Apparently we were a godsend, because a workshop was the final thing most of the troupe needed to become actual members. They didn't have one earlier this year, because the director never found anyone willing to hold it, and lo and behold, we came out of the blue and asked if we could do it.

Desmond brought his camera for documentation. We took turns being official photographer, and since most of us already took the mandatory photography course, all the documentation shots ended up kinda artsy-fartsy. During the downtime, we goofed off and did "high fashion" photoshoots. I didn't realize my hair was so big.

Anyway, after that we went to Isa's place to rest for a bit, and Des drove half of us halfway home, and we all went our separate ways, and none of us are thinking about the paper and the presentation we need to do based on what we did. Not until Monday at least.

And now all I have to worry about is the diorama, retrieving the footage for our short film so editing can finally start, and the play that we still have to cast, plan, rehearse and produce, in the span of three days.

In all honesty, I'd rather have exams.

So today's my birthday, and it marks the end of my teenage years. I am, as of 12 hours ago, officially 20 years old.

I don't particularly feel any different. Today wasn't much of a big deal. Feels sort of like an afterthought to Valentines, really. (I don't really care for that holiday either. I just like the abundance of sweets.)

Not the best birthday, I've had, but not the worst. Bad things didn't happen, so I guess that's something to be grateful for.

it mocks me
My fingers hurt. I don't know why I'm torturing myself by typing this out, but I am, and I already started, so here we go then.

I feel like crap.

I have a reflection paper I'm supposed to submit tomorrow and I probably won't because I don't feel like writing it. Really. That paper is supposed to sound chipper -- or at least not depressed -- because it's all about how listening to James is. James was fun to listen to. But it's not going to come off like that if I write it now because I feel like crap.

Besides, my fingers are aching even worse.

I also have a grid to submit tomorrow but fuck it I can't even work the damn software.

There's a prototype for a big book for 142 and it's due on Friday. We get the scripts back tomorrow. I'm probably the one that's going to make it because I haven't done much for the group yet, and that's going to be wonderful on my hands, I'm sure. Absolutely peachy.

I'm supposed to have a bibliography and a topic outline for my research paper by Friday too, and I don't even have enough sources yet. There aren't enough books about the psychological basis of attraction and seduction I can find/use/get to.

When will this all be over so I can stop feeling like crap.

Nezumi's mice say  "..."
Teri was marveling at my patience the other day. It wasn't anything special, really, but she still appreciated it. While it was true in her case, it got me thinking. How patient am I, exactly?

The answer: pretty fucking patient. And I think I know why.

It's years of having to deal with Isa.

Don't get me wrong, I love her. But she's too goddamn sensitive. Too easily scared, too averse to the idea of conflict, of people hating her, too inclined to run away from people instead of sticking around to clear the air.

It's not just the people directly involved either. In the whole debacle with Yong and JC, she not only left behind those two, but everyone else on tumblr. And it's not just tumblr. She's been avoiding them on MSN too. God only knows where else.

I never thought the problem was that bad, to be honest. I thought it was just Yong and JC. I mean, she talks to Ann and Cami, right? And then I remembered that she only started talking to Cami again when I told her she missed her, and she and Ann bonded mainly over PoT than KHR. She cut off contact with everyone else completely.

I'm the one she's relying on to fix things. To help her fix things, in any case. I don't mind. I don't know why. I don't, that's all.

Normally I wouldn't even get to this point. I'd just give up in frustration and leave them to their own devices. But it's different with Isa, I actually want her to grow a spine. I want her to stand up for herself and defend her opinion. I want her to not redact it and grovel apologies whenever someone else disagrees. I want her to be able to stand her ground and not run away.

The thing I want most is for her to pick a fight with me. An actual fight. We will disagree over something petty and we will both stand by our opinions and we will yell at each other and it will be glorious.

I kind of resent having to be so careful with her, having to make sure I don't scare her off too badly to make her want to run away from me. But I like having her around, and she feels the same, so I have to do it. I can deal with it. I just wish sometimes that I didn't have to.

I'm still hoping for that fight though.

Mikado no thank you
I am awake!

I kind of don't want to be, but here I am. I was planning to sleep in until noon today, because fuck I am exhausted, but no, my body refuses to let me get back to bed. It doesn't help that at this hour my room is a furnace.

Why am I exhausted? Yesterday was the annual family reunion and this year we were hosting. Apart from the epic preparations over the last few weeks, which everyone in the family has lost sleep over, we were running around everywhere doing practically everything.

I fetched this, got that, made sure no one was cheating during the games. Tiring.

Ah, the games. Dad and I refereed pretty much everything. For Catch the Dragon's Tail, I had to make sure the tails were regulation sizes. My cousins kept fighting me over it. It was kind of awkward, staring at their asses for so long because of it. All the others were not much less awkward, I have no idea what my family comes up with sometimes. I mean, anything involving eggplants dangling from your hips is bound to be awkward. In the end the scoring for everything was iffy at best and no one really won. Dad was muttering to himself, "What did I get into..."

Also there's this cousin who's visiting from the States. Did a belly dance for us for a talent portion or something. I may or may not be a bit too fascinated with the way her hips move. And she's pretty. But yeah, she's my cousin.

And also her mom mistook me for the middle child again. The elder middle child at least. It still irks me, but I've gotten used to people mistaking my younger brother for my older one, despite not actually having an older brother. We're only a year apart in any case, and he does look older than me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm babyfaced or he looks old though.

And then tonight we're going to another reunion and tomorrow I gotta get ready for school, and the day after that we're going to scout for communities for class and then the day after that it's back to school.

No more please, my poor body cannot handle any more of this.

I want to be Barbie
Yesterday I just got a forceful reminder that I absolutely detest crowds.

It's not that I'm claustrophobic, or have a fear of being crushed in a crowd (although there is that too,) it's that I don't like having my movement impeded. And when you're in a crowd, it's suffocating, everyone's invading your personal space, you can barely move, and god, everyone just get out of my way.

In any case, yesterday I went with Isa and her family to SM Megamall for her late birthday celebration. There was a kpop con, which I think was the reason her mom agreed to go in the first place. There were a lot of cosplayers too, which we found weird because it was a kpop con, there weren't supposed to be cosplayers there. Little did we know that the Ozine toy and figurine special was also there and then.

So while Isa's mom and sister were in the kpop con, Isa and I went inside to the Ozine con and oogled everything there. Everything. The figurines, the clothes, the wigs, the merch, some of the stuff at the artists' tables... We had to get out of the hall every so often though, because the cosplayers were outside, and because I needed to get away from the crowds inside. I hated how much crowding there was inside. Con crowds I can deal with better than most other crowds, but I still hate them.

We went shopping earlier too. At St Francis, that divi-like place across the street. We bought socks. Thigh highs, specifically. Okay, over-knees, but I'm short, they go up to my thighs. There's always that one stall at these things that sells socks. Usually just one. Anyway, I have socks, and I can wear grade A and B ZR. Ana will kill me, but I don't care.

We went to Forever 21 too. We bought nothing. Of course not. Couldn't afford anything. But damn, there was this jacket I found that was a dead ringer for Dino's and I want it so much. I also want to make that whole store my closet, but I have a special liking for that jacket in particular.

There weren't many people in both those places, for which I'm grateful, because it meant I wouldn't be arrested for assault on many people at once.

Also we saw an Inori cosplayer at the foodcourt. She wasn't very good.

In any case, it was fun, but dear lord the crowds, go away or I'll bite you to death.

Nezumi's mice say  "..."
Dear You,

There is one thing I'd like you to be able to do. I'd like you to do it, actually. I'm trying to get you to, subtly, but so far I don't think you're up to it.

I can't tell you what it is. Because then I wouldn't know if you actually could and you mean it, or if you'd just be doing it to make me happy. Although for the record, it's strange of me to want it in the first place.



Kyo-fic Once More
Kida story about a rabbit and a wall
For Isa. Happy birthday <3

It was snowing out.Collapse )

Kyo-fic Yet Again
Kida story about a rabbit and a wall
For Isa's birthday. Prompt ganked from here.

2 a.m.Collapse )

Yet More Kyo-centric Ficlets
Kida story about a rabbit and a wall
These are actually kind of old, I just forgot to put them here. Prompts ganked from here.

CorrespondenceCollapse )

IncalculableCollapse )


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